In my head people say the rudest things

I fill in the silent gaps made by people when they are in the middle of conversation with internal monologue of what I imagine they are saying. 9 times out of 10 it is about me.

It was about 9:00 and I was getting to the tipping point of my hunger zone between hungry and "I will eat this table", so I picked up my package of basmati rice and quinoa and headed to the communal kitchen. Actually, I picked up the bowl that I had already placed my food in and headed to the kitchen. I don't like people to see what I eat. I keep all food and utensils in my room. It isn't that I don't trust the people here, I just don't want them to know anything about my food consumption tendencies. My ancestors had to have felt threatened at some point, this has to be sort of genetic protection device.  Either way, that's something I will work out in therapy at a later date.

As I made my way down the hallway I could hear girls laughter. I knew they were in the kitchen, despite this, a small part of my soul still held out hope that maybe it was coming from one of the rooms at the end of the hallway.

I turned the door handle and saw two girls that I had not met before sitting there laughing and enjoying one another's conversation. This would have been a great time to introduce myself, as I had not done so yet. Instead, I gave an enthusiastic wave hello and headed into the kitchen area.

I could feel it, they were expecting an introduction from me, but they didn't get it and they weren't going to get it. Once I feel a moment has passed, I don't try to go back, I press forward and hope that I will never have to be reminded of that moment again. I try to bury that moment with all the other moments and hope that one day I won't be able to recall what happened when or if anything really happened at all.

While I waited for the kettle to boil I could hear them talking. They were discussing former jobs they had and their interest in not getting obese.

I heard the following:

"Oh yah well she's just reminded us, let's not get obese okay?"

Then the crazy fat lady that lives inside my head calmed down and I was comforted by the ten seconds of rational thought that I allow myself per day. They were clearly talking about that before I walked in.

Okay. Well that feels better.

The kettle is taking forever to boil. I just wanted to get this hot water in my rice and spice mixture and disappear into the night, quick as I came. If I could have a fog machine wherever I went, I would. I think that not only would it allow for an element of mystery, but it would be another way where I could sneak by unnoticed.

On second thought, that would probably just draw more unwanted attention.

Finally, the hiss of the kettle meant it was ready to pour into my bowl.

This particular meal was actually meant to be prepared on the stove top, but I don't have any pans yet so I just decided to put it into the microwave and hope for the best. Yes, I boiled water in the kettle, added the water to the rice and then put the entire thing back in the microwave. This way I could account for the part of the directions that said "bring entire mixture to boil".

After three minutes in the microwave the water was at a steady boil, I opened up the microwave and ignored decades of common sense and reached for the bowl. Luckily, I was able to stifle the scream of pain that would have issued from my mouth had no one else been in the kitchen.

So I decided to let the bowl cool for a little bit. I figured "okay, it is done boiling, now I just need to wait 10 minutes and let the water do its magic thing."

The girls had been quiet for over a minute, were they quiet or were they just quietly talking?  It was impossible to say. I stood perfectly still and listened. I always like to imagine that standing incredibly still makes my hearing better. There were definitely words being exchanged. I can only assume they were saying things like...

"Do we even know her? What the hell is she cooking? Does she keep all the bowls in her room? What the hell is that about? Why is she wearing those things in her hair? I can't believe she didn't even introduce herself to us?"

I waited 5 minutes and then took the bowl from the microwave and realized it was still too hot to handle. I didn't have a towel or anything, but there was a toilet paper roll in the kitchen. Necessity is the mother of invention they say...so I wrapped my hand in toilet paper and put the bowl on my hand, impressed with my ingenuity.

I turned off the kitchen light to let the girls at the table know "Okay, I'm leaving, if you are gonna talk to me you better do it quick..." They looked at me, and I looked right back at them. I opened up the door and shut it, to the silence and what I can only imagine surprise of the two girls at the table.

I wanted to go back and say "Oh no no, see it's not that I'm a bitch, I don't think I am better than you, I just can't deal with meeting more than one person at a time, it's a thing I have." but you can't explain those types of things to people without seeming insane.

So I headed back to my room and ate my food at an alarming speed.

But I wanted something sweet. I only have oatmeal as something sweet so I decided oatmeal it would be.

Sure, I could have put on my shoes and gotten all gussied up to mosey on down to the communal kitchen number 60, but I figured those two girls would be there.

For a brief moment I considered going back with my oatmeal and saying, "Oh hey sorry for not introducing myself, I had to eat...low blood sugar".

Then I thought about the more pressing issue which was them thinking, "Oh she's back again for another meal? Didn't she just eat? Wow let's not end up like that."

AND That's when I decided to make myself instant oatmeal a la tap water from my bathroom.

The End