How to Appear on Meet the Press- A Primer for Politicians

I'm not a politician, but I do believe I have a keen sense for the type of crap espoused by them on Sunday morning news talk shows.  Please, consider this a primer.

Attire: 
You have to wear a suit, a suit with a fat tie, but NOT too fat, it must be in a bold color (depending on what you are talking about. If you are talking about healthcare wear blue, if you are talking about deficits, wear red). This also depends on whether you are a Democrat or a Republican, if you are a Republican you almost never wear blue.  Only a red tie with some blue lines ...MAYBE.





If you are a female, then you will be wearing a power suit. NO EXCEPTIONS. Females may have up to one, but no more than two accessories (pin not included in the total accessory count). 





Live Feed versus Appearing in Studio
If you are appearing live from some location, make sure to adjust your mic anywhere from 2-5 times.  If you are live at the studios you can just shift in your seat 3 times. No matter what, just don't have this facial expression the first time the camera cuts to you.



Hand Gestures: 
You want everyone to see your hand gestures but you sure as shit do not want them to block your face. Please see the below picture for an example:




Facial Expressions:
Though it might prove difficult, it would be good to avoid making this face (see photo below). The trick is to look at the person you are disagreeing with incredulously, but not TOO incredulously. You hate people, but you hate them with respect.



You can also take the Doris Kearns Goodwin approach (aka the DKG) and just smile through out the entire thing.



Things to Say:

Host: Hi and today we are welcoming the representative from State X, Representative Rep McRepperstein. (rep gives courteous nod to camera) Mr. McRepperstein, can you tell us about what your plans are to help alleviate the crisis of confidence that is currently plaguing our country?

Rep: Thanks, you know I'm happy you asked this question. This country does not have a crisis of confidence, we are the greatest country the world has ever known. What this country has is a spending problem.

Host: (It's important that the host never asks the representative to elaborate on anything, choosing instead just quickly moving to the next topic.) McRepperstein on July 28th, 2011 you wrote in a Washington Post OpEd that you would, "Rather see this country in smoldering ruins before compromising on the debt ceiling."  Do you think that is what the American people sent you to Congress to do?

Rep: Listen Host, I can't speak for all of the American people. I can only speak for my constituents, that's who I am here representing. They sent me to Washington to stop the blank checks, and that is what I intend to do.

Host: Can you elaborate on how you intend to accomplish this?

Rep: Cut wasteful spending.

Host: What do you consider wasteful spending?

Rep: Listen, we've given this President a blank check. The American people trusted him to do his job, and he isn't.  Somebody has got to stand up and say. . .

Host: (there has to be at least one interruption per show)  Yes, but if you could just get to the meat of what programs you consider wasteful...

Rep: (Unconformable laugh) I'm not going to sit here and make a laundry list of the programs. What I can say is that the entitlement programs that my parents grew up with, that I want my children to have, won't be here if we don't make some changes now.

Host:  What kind of changes are you referring to?

Rep: I'm talking about getting this spending under control.

Host:  Friday's economic indicators showed that the economy is growing much slower than originally reported, at something like 1.4%, what's going on here?

Rep: (you have to mention hard working and Americans somewhere, even if it is a total non sequitor) I come a town of about 20,000 people, and we are all hard working Americans. Those Americans are tired of the same Washington policies that got us into that mess, they understand that those same tactics won't get us out of this mess.  That's why we have got to change the way things are run in Washington.

cut to commercial (this avoids any substantive discussions)


To recap:

never answer any question
never provide valuable information
never use facts 

In order to succeed you really have to leave the interview with the general feeling that nothing has been gained from the conversation, nothing has been added to the political discourse.  If, when you leave your interview you can say "excellent, we can continue down the path to mutually agreed upon destruction for the purpose of appearing as if I am correct in every decision I make." then great. You've done your job.