My Mom Argues Like a Fox News Analyst

The Players:

Heather (sister)

Alana (twin)

Mom (mom)

Me (me)

My mom was supposed to go to an aerobics class today with my twin sister and older sister. 

Instead, she came home from work. While she didn't have time to get home and go to her aerobics class, she apparently did have time to stop at dunkin doughnuts for a bagel with cream cheese and chocolate cream filled doughnut.

I pointed out that perhaps the solution to not going to aerobics class was not in a doughnut.

She rebutted with a, "I deserve a treat."

I reminded her that she has been having a lot of treats lately (including an entire bag of hershey's fun size bars and a jumbo bag of reese's hearts). Which is fine, I mean I get insatiable desires for chocolate goodness as well, but I try to keep it to a once-a-month type thing. 

This was argument number one, soon we branched off into another argument but it was related to the first argument.

Alana went grocery shopping for my mom today with Heather at Costco. It's part of Heather's and Alana's plan to get my mom back in budget and back to where she doesn't need to go to the store so much. At the very least, to prevent my mother from going to the store 2 times a day.

Instead of saying 'WOW this is so great, now I won't have to go to the store.'

She starts bitching about all the pasta, and everything else. 

'There is too much of this, there isn't enough of this, what am I gunna do with all this food?' That was a legitimate complaint that issued from her mouth hole. I was flabbergasted. 

SO I may have lost my cooool.

I said "Mom what are you talking abouttt?!"

She said "This kind of pasta isn't that good for you"

I responded with "So says the person that just served it the last four nights for dinner..."

She yelled: "IT WAS NOT THE LAST FOUR NIGHTS, AND ANYWAY IT WAS WHEAT PASTA"

(let the record show it was 4 nights of pasta related food items.)

I pulled out the wheat pasta and the other pasta and read to her the calorie and carbohydrate content.  The health benefits of wheat pasta are nominal at best. I feel like it exists to make people feel better about eating pasta.

Upon hearing this she exclaimed:

"It wasn't that pasta it was the wheat durum pasta"

Now, I don't know what you all know about pasta but all of it is durum. IT IS GENERALLY THE KIND OF WHEAT USED TO MAKE PASTA.

I didn't want to get started on a durum wheat argument at this particular point because frankly, I was fearful for my mental well being.

Instead I informed her that it did not matter what kind of pasta it is, they shouldn't be having that much of it. It is meant as a side, not an entire meal. .  blah blah unhealthy eating habits, blah blah.

She then called me a NAZI !!!

I then decided to go upstairs.

The end.