Travels and Lessons in Unemployment (Abridged Version Fig 1.1-1)

April 10 2008

I am a 22 year old recent college graduate (and by recent I mean one year) with honors. I'm originally from Chicago and I miss having good Pizza. I capitalize the word Pizza because that's how strongly I feel about it. I now live in Pasadena, California. About 11 miles north-ish of Los Angeles. I woke up this morning elated because I remembered I had Oh's, my favorite cereal. It's 1.99, and I can finish one box in a day, with or with out milk. Now that I've wasted far too much time eating this delicious cereal, I make an effort to prepare for my day. Preparing for my day consists of me attempting to reverse the damage to my teeth caused my years of uninsurance. Every time I take my toothbrush in hand, I am reminded that I owe 2000.00 on a root canal, I pay in 25.00 installments, at least I think I do? Did I pay last month? I like to think I'm up on my payments with these things, but I also live in a state of denial.



As I head down the street to my first stop of the day (coffee shop number 1), I realize how much I dislike walking without my MP3 player. However, as my MP3 player only holds 43 songs, and I listen to a good 20 of them on heavy rotation when I work out, that leaves me with a good 10 songs for walking, because the other songs I am tired of or have since decided I don't like enough to warrant my listening to them. Fickle, but true. Alack. I must ask myself 1000 times today why I am still unemployed. I have to make my way to the Social Security Adminstration today to get a replacement card, because I have no idea where mine is. And I usually go to this one coffee shop called Vroman's on Colorado Blvd, but I feel like if I go there and then go to the SSA and then go back, then they will all know that I'm unemployed and/or make value judgements. Which is why I am currently at the Pumpernickle Deli sipping an iced coffee and talking to my twin sister on the phone. She's getting a cold.


Now I am sitting here in a different (my favorite) coffee shop emblazoned with rich reds, creams and browns. There is a faux brick wall and an eclectic mixture of furniture. The chairs and stools all have ornate iron scrolls and the big comfy couches are worn down from years of use. The only complaint is the music, some Stingesque type mix which makes me think of why coffee shops play music no one actually listens to. I've been sucking down a 20 oz iced coffee with far too much half and half and 2 packets of raw sugar dumped in (which has sunk to the bottom meaning by the end I'm drinking raw sugar crystals). I am looking out on a wonderfully sunny day onto busy Colorado Blvd, my major avenue of travel in Pasadena, and it is on days like these when everyone appears to be happy and have friends. Tourists have their guides, a couple has just made reservations at a fancy dinner place, people are reading books, editing papers or calling their friends and family. Days like these I feel especially alone.
There are three things I've learned while sitting in this particular coffee shop on an almost daily basis (yes just three). one: I am one of the last remaining individuals alive to not have a Mac laptop. In fact, my lap top is most certainly a relic of the past, the early 00's. It has a 17 inch monitor. 17 inches. . .yep. And it weights a good 5-6 lbs. It might even weight 8lbs for all I know, I've never been a good judge of poundage, which is why I continually estimate my weight to be around 102 lbs.
I am wearing a white ¾ length t-shirt, my favorite pair of jeans that do not require a high heel to be worn, and gym shoes. To those that know me well, they would be shocked to hear that I even owned a pair of gym shoes, let alone wore them any where besides the gym. By most standards of fashion, and most assuredly to anyone that cares to look in the general vicinity of my boobs, I am committing a major fashion no-no by wearing a bright blue bra. Which brings me to the second thing I have learned at this coffee shop, I don't own a white bra, in fact I don't even own a normal colored bra. What this says about my general character is unknown to me, but I am sure some will draw their own conclusions based on this set of facts.

I am unemployed and car-less. I was car-less before the unemployment, lest that make a difference to you, but it is most certainly a contributing factor to my current state of joblessness. Therefore, I walk at least 2.2 miles to get to this coffee shop every single day. I hate the bus, that's 1.25 for about 2.2 miles of walking, I can't justify it, plus I could spend that 1.25 on so many other things like, coffee. Generally it is too nice to take a bus anyway, I enjoy walking for the most part. I pass three other coffee shops on my way, and shockingly they are not all Starbucks. Well there are four coffee shops if you count the Starbucks inside the Target. Target is where I go to buy pretty much anything and everything I need. I honestly worry about what I look like shopping, do I look like a normal customer, do I look like I have no job? I probably do, those bastards can see right through me. Every time I buy something no matter how necessary I cannot help but question every single purchase I make, and yet buying these small things makes me feel like I still have some sort of control or semblance of normalcy in my life.


This coffee shop is the only one with free wireless, that works on my antiquated lap top (though right now it is not working meaning I have to actually confront my unemployment head on as opposed to drowning it behind incessant searches on Craigslist for any job whatsoever that I may be eligible for). I also enjoy it's proximity to the gym, but dislike its proximity to my old place of employment.

Ah that 10-lettered word Employment, I remember those days. I think about my current situation, and question why I did not stay at the last place that was lucky enough to employ someone the likes of me. Then, I recall my old boss. “Dave” is responsible for the development of a nervous tick, well he gave me the shakes, whether or not that qualifies as a tick is up to your the reader. I did lose clumps of hair because of his incessant yelling and general demeaning behavior towards my general existence (half melodramatic- half true). His continual assault on my ability to perform the tasks asked of me resulting in my believing that I could actually not perform these tasks. I make a pointed effort to look for the bald headed man that was once my boss outside of the Community Bank Center on Colorado Blvd, if I see a husky bald man in a striped t-shirt and jeans I generally pause to make certain that it is not indeed my old boss. If I ever do come face to face with him again, I plan on doing the following:
“Who? Andrea? Nope that's not me?”
“What you unhand me you nave before I mase you”
However, I am operating under the assumption that I will by that point indeed own mase.

There is something about being unemployed that has you convinced that you do not deserve a job, to be happy, to be able to afford things, accompanying this is the feeling that every person knows that you are unemployed. I like to think I am covering it up by having a lap top, but I still think they know. Which brings me to the third thing I've learned today sitting here in this coffee shop, I am less good at hiding what I feel inside than I previously thought.







Next Week: How did I end Up here?